well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
