You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
