I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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