Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Randomize