Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
