we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
