the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
