but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
