he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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