We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
