As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize