I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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