better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
