Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
