You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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