yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
