And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
