that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
