he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
