I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
