my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
