I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
