so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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