I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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