I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
