when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
