I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
