if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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