Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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