bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Swine flu. Run for my life!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize