I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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