i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
