she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
