She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
