i need an iv and a liver transplant
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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