I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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