I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
