Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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