3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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