We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
