the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
