Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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