i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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