lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
