He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
