ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
