I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
how does that bad decision feel?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
