Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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