After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
