i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
