Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
