He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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