her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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