im drinking this country out of the recession.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
