I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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