His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
