Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
