I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
