I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
