he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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