Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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