and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
