Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
