Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
