i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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