how can u be prego again
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
