Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
