Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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