Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize