I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
