Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
