my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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