i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
