i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
